The Island Castaway
Carrus insularis
Front wheels up in the mulch, rear wheels on the asphalt. Placed with care by someone who felt this counted.
Round 'em up.
6 strays loose. Tap one to return it.
Cart return. Or don't.
- 412,000
- members who would prefer you stop saying "cart boy"
- 6.2 mi
- walked per shift, none of it counted by anyone's fitness tracker
- 11 ft
- average distance between an abandoned cart and the corral
RowA
Ranks & certification
Advancement is by examined train length. Examinations are held in live traffic, because that is where the work is.
| Rank | Train limit | Requirements | Privileges |
|---|---|---|---|
| Greenhorn | 1–5 carts | A vest. Any vest. | May be sent to find "the cart stretcher." |
| Pusher | 6–10 carts | One full summer. Demonstrated ability to turn without taking out a mirror. | May nod at other pushers. |
| Wrangler | 11–15 carts | Written exam on wobbly-wheel diagnosis. Own strap. | First pick of the cart with the good wheels. |
| Trail Boss | 16–20 carts | Has brought one back from the retention pond. | May say "I got it" to a customer and mean it. |
| Lot Marshal | 21–30 carts | Spotter, strap, and a clean conscience. | The motorized pusher. Keys kept on a lanyard nobody else may touch. |
RowB
Train calculator
Know your load before you lean into it. Figures assume a standard 52 lb cart nesting at 10 inches, on wheels that all agree on a direction.
Wrangler
- Length
- 12.3 ft
- Stall widths
- 1.4
- Mass
- 624 lb
- Push force
- 21 lbf
- Turning radius
- 9 ft
- Stopping
- Likely
RowC
Field guide to strays
Six common presentations. Members are reminded that identifying the stray is not the same as understanding why.
The Far-Lot Loner
Carrus solitarius
One cart, 300 feet out, perfectly centered in an empty stall. Nobody saw it arrive. It may have always been there.
The Curb Mount
Carrus ascendens
Two wheels on the curb, leaning into the accessible stall it is now blocking. Always the cart with the bad caster.
The Roller
Carrus liber
Released on a 2% grade by a customer who had already turned away. Currently accelerating toward a sedan that was just detailed.
The Emigrant
Carrus peregrinus
Found at the bus stop, the apartment complex, or the creek. Has seen things. Returns with one wheel that will never be the same.
The Almost
Carrus proximus
Parked directly beside the corral. Not in it. Beside it. The Guild's research division has been studying this one since 1994.
I will not judge the one who left it. I will only bring it home, and judge them privately, the whole way back. The Wrangler's Creed, Article I
RowD
Continuing education
Twelve credits a year keep your certification current. Classes meet in the break room, which is also where the mop sink is.
- CART 1013 credits
The wobbly wheel: diagnosis and acceptance
Why it shimmies, why it will always shimmy, and how to pick the cart behind it instead.
- CART 2143 credits
Applied strap theory
Tension, hook placement, and the physics of a 20-cart train deciding to become two 10-cart trains.
- METR 2302 credits
Asphalt in August
Hydration, radiant heat, and the black-vinyl seat of the motorized pusher. Lab fee covers one cooling towel.
- COMM 3053 credits
The customer who watches you approach and leaves it anyway
Maintaining eye contact, a neutral expression, and your employment.
- NAV 3402 credits
Reversing drivers: a survey
Reading brake lights, backup cameras nobody looks at, and the SUV that has decided you are not there.
- ETH 4101 credit
Seminar: the coin-deposit question
Is a 25-cent lock a tool of order, or the outsourcing of our craft to the general public? Guest speaker joins by video from Europe.
RowE
Dispatches from the lot
Trade news, compiled weekly by the Guild's communications office, which is Darnell.
Member completes 31-cart train. Investigation pending.
The Guild neither confirms nor sanctions the run, which witnesses describe as "beautiful" and "something that should not be able to turn."
Study: one in three island carts "placed with intent"
Researchers found tire tracks consistent with a deliberate lift over the curb. The remaining two thirds were described as "also on purpose, but lazier."
Guild rejects "cart attendant" in favor of existing title
By a vote of 38 to 2, delegates kept "wrangler." Both dissenting votes were for "cowboy," which remains permitted in casual use and on personal vehicles.
Wheel-lock perimeter claims another of our own
A Trail Boss in good standing crossed the yellow line with a full train at speed. All 18 front casters locked at once. He is recovering. The carts are still there.
RowF
Report a stray
See a cart where a cart should not be? File it here. Reports are anonymous, unless it was you.
STRAY REPORT · NOT YET FILED
Your case number and the Guild's response will print here.